Monday, June 28, 2010

Monday Morning Morals Questions - Am I a bad person if...???

Holy crap - it's been TWO WEEKS since I last blogged!  I missed last week's Monday Morning Morals Question entirely, and I haven't done Mama Kat's writing prompt in about a month.  But I'm here today so I guess that's a start (one day in a row, as I like to say.)

So, last Monday I was in Vegas, and while I had grandiose plans to do a Special Edition Monday Morning Morals from Vegas, then I remembered that "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas," so I couldn't.  Actually, that's a lie.  What really happened is that I was too enamored with $22 "Miami Vice" cocktails (which we went on a campaign to rename the "PinaCoLaiquiri") to be getting up and typing anything of substance at all...

But today I'm back with my newest edition -- chock-full thought provoking mind benders really designed to challenge the moral fiber of one and all...or maybe not, but I'm curious nonetheless.

Back story first...I've been playing a lot of tennis this summer.  I'm terrible, but I'm improving and it's exercise, and I really like it, so...blah blah blah...I'm playing a lot tennis.  Anyway, since I was new to the team this year, I was just assigned a partner.  She's a bit older and better than I am, but we play pretty well together and for the most part it's fun...except this one little thing...

She kind of cheats!

It's not like she's taking human growth hormones or releasing killer bees on our opponents or anything.  It's just that every now and again (a couple of times a match), she calls a ball out when it's on the line...and that's cheating.

And now for the moral rub...if the ball's on her side of the court, it's really her call to make.  I don't want to second guess her and I am sure that there have been times when the ball is actually out and I just can't tell from my perspective...but there have definitely been times when it's been IN too, and those are the times that count -- and I haven't stood up to her to say "no, that was in."

So, am I a bad person if just stand by and let my partner call things out that are in?


To be fair, this hasn't happened in a game-defining moment, and I like to think that I would over-rule the call if it did...but it's hard to say, maybe that's just wishful thinking and I'd be as big a wimp then as I have been so far!

Monday, June 14, 2010

Monday Morning Morals Questions - Do key parties and swinging shock the conscience of anyone other than me???

John Cuneo, Esquire Magazine
Apparently the 60s have made their way back to Denver with a vengeance, because I keep hearing that key parties and swinging are all the rage...and let me tell you, I am SHOCKED!!!

Here's how Wikipedia (my go-to source on all topics) defines swinging:

Swinging or partner swapping (sometimes referred to as the swinging lifestyle or simply the lifestyle) is a non-monogamous behavior, in which partners in a committed relationship agree, as a couple, for both partners to engage in sexual activities with other people. As a subculture, the swinging couple regard their sexual activities with other people as a social activity in which they engage as a couple.

Let's ignore the unneeded comma after behavior and get to the point - people are having parties where they go hoping, expecting, knowing that they and their spouses will be having sex with someone else -- AT THE PARTY!  Ick!!

And this is just fine?  This is normal?  What. The. F*%$????

I always thought I lived in this real "Leave It to Beaver" kind of subdivision with white picket fences and neighbors who bake cookies for the new baby next door (which happens all the time and leads to over crowded neighborhood schools and tennis courts on the streets, but that's a different story.)   

Let me show you some examples:

  I don't know who lives here, but they have a cute red door and the white picket fence I was talking about.
 This is my friend Melissa's house.  It's for sale...this progressive new Denver lifestyle/culture was more than she could take!

Do these look like the kinds of places where spouses are playing sex games which include some people who live there and others who don't? 

What would June Cleaver say?

I know what she'd say.  She'd say: What. The. F*$%...just like me!  What do you say?


Thursday, June 10, 2010

On Being Alone

WARNING...this post might actually have insight into me...should I even be writing this?

So, I'm 40 years old and I'm just getting comfortable being alone.  I've never lived alone.  I've never traveled alone.  Since my kids have been born, I don't think I have spent more than a single night by myself at my house.  I can't even think of a time that I've even seen a movie by myself. 
I don't do "alone time." 
I guess I just don't really know how to be by myself.
For as long as I can remember, the first thing I ever do when I'm alone is pick up the phone.  At least that way if I'm technically alone, it kind of feels like I'm sharing it with someone else.
For whatever reason, the idea of being alone immediately brings to mind visions of isolation. It's scary and I don't like it. 
It's lonely.

From an intellectual perspective I understand the mental benefit associated with having time to oneself.  I imagine people enjoy the opportunity for peace and solitude.  For whatever reason, though, I don't find peace and solitude in the company of only me.
I'm trying to figure out what this says about me.  Unfortunately the conclusion I arrive at generally says that I just don't like myself enough to be happy with my own company.  But that doesn't seem right, because the truth is I'm pretty satisfied with the person I've become.  I am generally pretty self confident and self reliant.  I have come to accept my flaws as part of the overall package of me, and I'm mostly okay with that whole package.
So why do I still feel so anxious about being on my own?
Anyway, Paul and the boys are off for 2 days of Cub Scout Camp, so I'm here to fend for myself.  That's not an invitation, Brad Pitt, but if you happen to be in the neighborhood...
Seriously, I'm using this as an opportunity to explore the idea of "alone time" in terms other than "lonely time."  I've got nothing special planned, but I will try to stretch my comfort zone.  Maybe I'll head out to Starbucks for an "I have no one else to cater to but me" latte.  Maybe I'll even hit an afternoon movie all by myself.
Well, I'm not going to get crazy or anything...but I am going to try to enjoy the peace and solitude.
Wish me luck!

Sunday, June 6, 2010

The Psychology of Toe Nail Polish

Anyone who's ever walked into a nail salon knows that there are literally HUNDREDS of different colors to choose from for your toes.  There are reds, pinks, purples, browns, pearls, blues, whites, and blacks.  Within every group there's at least a dozen subcategories marking very subtle distinctions in mood.  Like the distinction between "We'll Always Have Paris"

and "Midnight in Moscow"

Seriously, go to and "try on" the different colors...I swear there are several shades whose differences are not visible to the naked eye.

Anyway, there is a point here...and the point is this...

Ladies, the color you choose for your toes says a lot about you as a be sure that the message you are sending is the one you want to send!

There are women who always choose the pinks or corals.  Hot pink, fuchsia, lavender, rose, cherry.  Every single one of these says:   "COME TALK TO ME!  I'M FUN!"

You might catch one of the gals going a little naughty with something like "I Don't Do Dishes,"

or more demure with "Soiree Mauve."

But you'll never see them them trampin around with Lindsay Lohen in Vendetta by Chanel!

But don't worry Chatty Cathys - Essie's catering you with their summer line which boasts colors like "Knockout Pout" and "Haute as Hello."  These "flirty" colors say "Yes I can be this cute and listen to you at the same time!"

To me they say: "Go away - you're too chipper!"

Perhaps to distinguish themselves from the sorority girls over at Essie, or perhaps because they're sellouts and don't care about making beautiful products anymore, OPI has come out with it's own summer line...the Shrek Collection.  (Huh?)  This line sports names like "What's with the Cattitude" and "Rumple's Wiggin."

But let me be clear here - if you're an adult wearing one of those greens, you need to understand that the message you're sending to the world is "I don't care that it looks like someone just puked all over my feet."

For me, I always choose the dark brown-red groupings...My go-to shades are Suzi Says Da!

and Lincoln Park After Dark

Yes - even in the summer!

And what do my toes say about me?  They say: "I don't like people."  It's not that I actually don't like people, I just don't want people thinking they can come up to me and start talking about their mother's gallstones and whatnot.  Save those conversations for Bridget with her "tell me about your cousin's daughter's wedding" toes!

These aren't Bridget's real toes...I used a toe-double,  She's married so she wears her ring on the left foot.

Then there's Zoya.  They use girls' names for their polish.  And let me tell you something, they got it all wrong with this one!  This is the color they call "Lo":

In Zoya-land I think I'm changing my name to Sam:

or Nina:

because Lo just doesn't suit me at all!

Nail polish Pictures, Images and Photos

What do your toes say about you???

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Tipper & Al Call It Quits

After 40 years?  Really?

Al Gore's Norman Rockwell childhood apparently didn't prepare him for a real life, family, or wife.  He and Tipper are Splitzville after 40 years of marriage, 2 failed presidential bids, a Nobel Peace Prize, four kids and an Oscar.

Al at 3 with sister Nancy & mom and dad.

Although the tabloids speculate an affair by one or both of them, "close confidantes" of the couple (and their publicity folks) assure us that there were no "third parties" involved.  Let's face it, no one really thinks Tipper's having an affair.  She wrote a book called Raising PG Kids in an X-rated Society - she's not going around cheating on her husband...They have to put that in to appear unbiased.  It's all a ruse.
Anyway, there's no evidence that Tipper's a stripper (perhaps that was the problem???)
No Youtube videos of Al with the housekeeper floating around.
They aren't having money problems...well, at least it wouldn't seem so, as they just bought an $8.8Million house in Montecito California (other celebrity residents: Oprah, Ellen, Rob Lowe, Michael Douglas, Jonathan Winters...ok, he's a stretch on the "celebrity" thing, but you get my point).
She seems just as happy to give up the gas guzzler for the free Prius.
He's got his Hollywood folks; she's got her photography.  *It's actually really good.  Check out her portfolio if you doubt me.
So what was the problem?

We all know that Al invented the internet and that they were the inspiration for Erich Segal's Love Story.  Well, that's what he told us so it has to be true, right?  I mean, the guy won a Nobel Peace Prize for negotiating the reunification of the ozone or something so we know he doesn't lie.

What ever happened to Joined at the Heart???

They obviously had passion...
Tell me that kiss doesn't say Endless Love?

Yet just when we thought the stiff Washington duo had lightened up and gotten cool...
Al's rocking his bleached-denim mom jeans to perfection, and Tipper shows that a white Playtex 24 Hour bra goes great with just about anything.

They had to go and mess it up.

I think she's just too high maintenance.  By her own admission Tipper says that Al's "very much a gentleman you know, with me around the house.  I know he's dog tired and he could be sitting down and doing something, and I need something across the room, he'll get up and get it."
If you've got something that good, do you ever let it go?
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