Real Conversations With My Imaginary Friend Shakira

Regarding Arizona's new Immigration Law:

Shakira: I heard about it on the news and I thought, 'Wow,' It is unjust and it's inhuman, and it violates the civil and human rights of the Latino community ... It goes against all human dignity, against the principles of most Americans I know.

Me: Totally!  It's like Nazi Germany.

Shakira: You're the smartest, most beautiful, most insightful, nicest person I've ever met.  I'd like to give you all the rights to my next 10 songs.

Me: Oh, you're so sweet!  I couldn't possibly accept more than 5.

Ok, so the last part didn't happen, but Shakira really did go to AZ to oppose the new law and she really did say that first stuff...but she only gave me 2 songs.

Real Conversations With My Imaginary Dietary Consultant (IDC)

IDC: You know, you really shouldn't eat those Reese's Peanut Butter Cups the kids got for Easter.
Me: Oh, they're just the small ones. It's not a big deal.
IDC: So how many small ones does it take to make a full-size one?
Me: Oh, Jesus, I have no idea.  Probably like - 12??
IDC: Mmmm, I'd guess more like 2 or 3.
Me: No way.  It takes at least 5 to make a full size.
IDC: Let's just assume it's 4.
Me: Whatever.  4.  What's your point?
IDC: There's like 10 wrappers in the trash, so basically you've eaten more than a full pack by now.
Me: Well, not of the Walgreens/movie theater 4 packs.  That's like barely more than half, and that's using your crazy math of only 4 smalls = 1 large and everyone knows that there's at least 8 smalls in one big.
IDC: Really, there's only so much I can do here...
For the record, there were not more than 5 wrappers in the trash.  Frickin' exaggerating IDC!

Real Conversations with my Imaginary Fashion Consultant (IFC)

IFC: You need to go change. You can't wear sweatpants in the middle of the day on a work day.

Me: Oh, these aren't sweat pants. They're yoga pants. Besides, I don't work.

IFC: Well the fact that you don't work - that's abundantly clear...but are you doing yoga right now?

Me: Uh, no.

IFC: Have that planned for later, do ya?

Me: Well, no. I'm just wearing these. They're comfortable.

IFC: And yesterday - those velour things, I suppose those weren't sweatpants either?

Me: No - those are more like "leisure wear." It's the new daytime casual.

IFC: Go put some real clothes on for God's sake.

Me: Why? I'm just sitting at home by myself. Why does it matter?

IFC: It matters!

Me: I don't get why.

IFC: That's my whole point...

Just for the record...my imaginary fashion consultant it a total wimp...I'm sitting here in velour leisure pants right now!