Saturday, February 7, 2009

The Myth about Law School

Look - no matter what anyone says, the only thing you can do with a law degree is be a lawyer! Law school is vo-tech school for smart kids - trade school with good PR. The vast majority of law students are just like I was - college grads with good grades, good test scores and essentially NO experience (professional, real-life, or otherwise).
I was history major, and let's face it, the historian's job prospects are limited at best (non-existent at worst). It's kind of the default major for people who realize they write a good essay but are too lazy to read all the books required of an English major. (Not that there's a whole host of career opportunities for the Englishian either-- English equivalent of "historian"...There's not even a word for it; it's like a tacit admission of the uselessness before you even begin!)
And so I did the logical thing (???) -- put off joining the "real world" for another 3 years by going to law school! This decision was met by much approval from my friends and family, because (even though I knew from the outset that I was unsure about being a lawyer) "You can do ANYTHING with a law degree." That's a big lie! The only thing you can do with a law degree is be a lawyer...and a bad one at first at that because while your law professors are busy not-preparing you for any career other than law, they're also busy not-preparing you to be a lawyer...because they don't teach you ANY of the things you need to know to actually practice law (like what an Entry of Appearance is, for example).
So my words of wisdom for all those college seniors contemplating the three year procrastination of a job search called Law School...Don't do it! Well, don't do it unless you're absolutely certain you want to be a lawyer, because there really isn't anything else you can do with a law degree.
Oh yeah - and if you have based your desire to be a lawyer upon television (even just a little bit), you better reconsider...get a job in a law firm and see what they REALLY do everyday. There's no hot woman with a button-down shirt open just enough to let you imagine it unbuttoned all the way and a skirt that hits so far above the knee that it's more accurate to describe its distance from her ass. No hot single men who are intellectual and sensitive enough to want save the world pro bono between motorcycle trips to Baja on weekends. These characters simply do not exist! Instead you'll find a bunch of pasty, doughy cynics who haven't been to the gym in 4 years (despite the continued donation in the form of monthly fees, because they like to know they could go if they so chose...but they're just way too busy!) and who haven't taken the full three weeks of vacation they get each year EVER (and never will...which is why law firms continue to offer this illusory benefit that will never be collected upon).
Overweight, overtired, and over-stressed...that pretty much sums it up!
And the money's not what people think it is either!


  1. remember the phrase "law school cute"?

  2. but everyone's so nice once the first list of class rankings come out!


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