Monday, November 29, 2010

Bumper Stickers that Really Should Not Be

So I was driving home this morning and I was behind an old Ford Explorer that had a bumper sticker that reads (I kid you not) "Two's Company, Three's a Fantasy."   And it got me thinking - who puts that on their car?  I mean seriously, is that guy so insecure about his sexual prowess that he needs to announce his threesome fantasies to the world on the back of his old beat up white SUV?
Which leads me to some other bumper-sticker-related thoughts:
  • We just got out of an election cycle so I guess I can forgive the political ads like "Bennet for Colorado" or "Ken Buck Senate 2010" stickers, but even the political ones have gotten a bit out of hand.  Take "It's the $pending, Stupid" - a republican favorite, or "We're Findin More Enemies Faster Than We Can Kill 'Em" with the Iraqi, American and Chinese flags - an idiot favorite. And the "Deport Obama - If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention" presidential criticism style (also idiot favorites, I might add). I would just like to point out, nobody else gives a shit what your personal political views are, and all the bumper stickers in the world aren't going to sway a single person's vote.  Save that $5 (or better yet, send it to help Haiti or some other charitable cause), and get your ass to the ballot box to tell us how you really feel.
  • While no one else on the planet gives a shit if your child is on the honor roll, I guess I can understand the proud parents who sport those "Mile High Scholar" stickers on their cars.  Lame, yes, but not particularly offensive.  But I don't get the "My Child Beat Up Your Honor Student" one.  Hopefully the idiots that deface their own vehicles with that dribble don't actually have kids, but let's assume, for the sake of argument, that at least some of them do.  What's the appropriate reaction to this news?  ...uh...Congratulations?
  • Then there's the "I'm better than you and you're an idiot" variety that also seems to be popular -- the "Hang Up and Drive" style of condescension.  My father-in-law used to have that one, and he lent us his car one summer years back.  Recognizing that beggars and choosers don't go hand in hand, I made no comment at the time, but I always felt like a bit of an asshole driving that car.
Which leads me to my sage advice on the topic -- "Just Say No" to bumper stickers as a whole.  They're stupid, and if you affix them to the back of your car, you probably are too!


  1. haha. the worst thing I ever saw was a middle aged man driving (presumably) his wife's minivan with a bumpersticker that read "Will trade husband for Beanie babies."

  2. It sounds as if you guys have far more interesting bumper stickers than we have in Australia! But I agree - they are stupid.

  3. Enjoying your writing - Silvie L. babysat for us last night and she told me she is a fan of yours (and your blog).

    Have a great weekend!

  4. I couldn't agree more! Nice post. I have put bumpers stickers on before right before an election, but then I wondered, what if I accidentally cut someone off in traffic AND they hate my Obama sticker? Will they follow me home and kill me??

    I think you're right that they would never change anybody's mind.


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