Dos Pulgares for Hot Chick-a-Latte (Update)

Just for the record, I'd like to update you all on the status of Hot Chick.  Things are rolling right along down there on Colfax.  I received a very nice comment from Troy, one of the owners, who offered me a free coffee the next time I make it by.  I've been out of town for the past week, but I'm going to get over there for a White Coffee soon...maybe tomorrow.  He also assured me that they're painting the rest of the roof once the weather gets better, but given the fact that it SNOWED this morning, I am thinking that might not be for a while.

Hot Chick - for your good sense of humor and lightening the mood throughout Denver, as well as your "darn good coffee" you have earned my Denver Dives highest rating...Dos Pulgares!

Hot-Chick-a-Latte, I think I love you!

Survey Says 70% of Arizonans are Assholes!

I'm just gonna put this out there - if 70% of Arizonans support this new immigration law...Arizonans are assholes!  And I guess it turns out that Phoenix really is Hell's training ground, and all you folks who favor this law, you're on the right track to make it there come Judgment Day.
As a general rule I tend to think that it's only Republicans who are xenophobic racist fools who hate people, but as it turns out, in Arizona some 51% of registered Democrats fall into that category as well.
In case you haven't already read enough about this law to make you want to vomit all over your keyboard, here's the brief recap.  The law was sponsored by gun-loving, gay-hating, Mormon Russell Pearce: Arizona's quintessential Republican. According to the Economist, he's been known to joke that "being Republican, and thus not having a heart, saved his life when he got shot in the chest once."  HA- that's so cute!
But his true passion is the apprehension and prosecution of those "Illegals" he prefers to call "invaders."
The truly controversial (read - racist) part of this law is that it requires law enforcement to identify, prosecute and deport undocumented aliens.  Here's the actual text of the statute:

FOR ANY LAWFUL CONTACT MADE BY A LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICIAL OR AGENCY OF THIS STATE OR A COUNTY, CITY, TOWN OR OTHER POLITICAL SUBDIVISION OF THIS STATE WHERE REASONABLE SUSPICION EXISTS THAT THE PERSON IS AN ALIEN WHO IS UNLAWFULLY PRESENT IN THE UNITED STATES, A REASONABLE ATTEMPT SHALL BE MADE, WHEN PRACTICABLE, TO DETERMINE THE IMMIGRATION STATUS OF THE PERSON. THE PERSON'S IMMIGRATION STATUS SHALL BE VERIFIED WITH THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT PURSUANT TO 8 UNITED STATES CODE SECTION 1373(c).

So here's the immediate question:  What is "lawful contact" for "reasonable suspicion" that a person "is an alien who is unlawfully present in the United States?"  Well, I suppose if you have an accent or darker skin you can expect to be "lawfully" contacted...I mean, really...what else can they go on?  Maybe they'll hand out red-white-and-blue citizen arm bands that we can all wear to prove we're "legal."  All I have to say is, welcome to Nazi Germany!  And don't forget your papers!

On Naming Your Child

Since my brother Blake and his wife Deb are expecting another baby this fall, I have been thinking a lot about baby names.   

In the interest of full disclosure I should mention that I have been wrong about this particular topic with regard to these particular parents in the past...I was opposed to naming their baby girl Cricket, arguing that it made a cute nickname but not a great given name...I was wrong! It's the perfect name for the perfect little girl, so I stand corrected.

But, I'm pretty sure I won't change my mind on this one:

DON'T PICK A "NOVEL," "CLEVER," OR "CUTE" SPELLING OF AN OTHERWISE NORMAL NAME! 

With a name like Lorraine, I know exactly what it feels like to be the only kid in 2nd grade who has her name spelled wrong on about 90% of her Valentine's Day cards.  To this day if I'm placing a to-go order or putting my name on a wait list I'll say my name only to be met with a quick glance at me, back at the paper, and the slow attempt to "sound it out" resulting in "L-a-r-a-i-n" or some variation thereof.  I'm speaking from experience here, and my name is spelled right, it's just an odd name that's kinda hard to spell (what with that silent e at the end and whatnot).

But this trend to make up spellings is becoming alarming and I'm here to tell you it's creating a whole new category of self-doubt and sense of inadequacy among American children.  These kids are going to grow up wondering why their parents hated them, and understanding that the world at large thinks they have a LAME NAME!  It's tragic, really.

Here are some examples of what I'm talking about:


Mykel or Mykall (Michael) - Ks are very big these days. 

Zakery (Zachary) - again with the k

Jazzmyn (Jasmine)  - Y is also apparently a very popular letter.

Madasyn (Madison) - yet another Y

Jakub or Jaycub (Jacob)  - mixing it up here , showing one variation with the K and another with the Y

Kristoffer (Christopher) - Another K, but this time they're also keeping it fresh by doing FF in lieu of PH

Kaelie (Kaylie) - Let's face it, Kaylie is a made up 20th Century name anyway.  Do you really need to pretend to be Gaelic and do that AE thing in there?

Aeryn (Erin or Aaron) - Hitting 2 trends, what with that AE and the Y.


This whole "unique name" thing has been brought to the absurd with Gwyneth's "Apple" and Penn (of Penn & Teller)'s "Moxie Crimefighter" -- I didn't make that up.  His other kid's name is Zolton...the only thing that could have made that worse is if he had spelled it Xolton instead.

My particular favorite lamely spelled name in the media at the moment is dumb pageant girl "Caite" (pronounced Katie) on the Amazing Race.  As it turns out, for her, the spelling of her name is about as clever as it gets.  In case you missed her brilliant and insightful response to why Americans suck at geography --  "and such as" -- you really must check this out. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WALIARHHLII&feature=player_embedded

My first hate-mail...I'm so excited!

So if you remember a few days back, I posted a little critique of the new "coffee" bar on Colfax Hot Chick-a-Latte.  Well, apparently I struck a nerve because "Anonymous" got all up in my cyber face calling me a "sexless female who is incapable of speaking her mind in public and has to harass young attractive females behind the anonymity of the internet."  I find it more than a little ironic that ANONYMOUS is accusing me of hiding behind the anonymity of the internet!!!
It's so exciting.  I'm starting to know what it feels like to be hated for my fame...well, I'm starting to imagine that I can imagine what it feels like...or something like that.
Thanks Anonymous -- you made my day!

On Spending PowerBall Winnings and Other Issues of Import

As part of our marital vows, Paul and I agreed to purchase a PowerBall ticket every time the jackpot reaches or exceeds $100 Million.  I made that up, Colorado didn't even join in the PowerBall until way after we were married, but this was written into our vows Ex Post Facto. (When you're a stay-at-home lawyer sometimes you need to say things like de jure and ex post facto and modus operandi just to validate the monthly student loan payments you're still making nearly 15 years later.)

Paul: Did you get a ticket? [Totally apropos to nothing yet requiring no additional explanation whatsoever.]
Me: No. You need to get the ticket.  I'm not good at winning.  I never win!
Paul: Oh because I'm so good at winning?  Get a ticket.
Me: OK, fine.
Paul: So what are we going to do with the money?
Me: I promised the boys that the first thing I would spend it on is 100 Bakugan for each of them.
Paul: So we'll be getting another 200 Bakugan for them to leave all over the house?  Great.  You're not good at this at all.
Me: Well what do you want to do with it?
Paul: We should pay off the house and the condo.
Me: Well so far I can see you're much better at this than I am, Mr. Practical.
Paul: And I'm retiring immediately.
Me: DUH!
Paul: And we can travel.
Me: This is better - where should we go? Argentina? I can show you around Buenos Aires. [This is my favorite way to needle Paul because despite the fact that he has done about 300 times more traveling than I have, he's never been to South America or Africa and I have...naaa-na-naaa-na-boo-boo!]
Paul: Ha - you're funny! India.  I want to go to India.
Me: Only if we're staying at 5* places.  I can't handle the poverty there.  It'll make me too sad.
Paul: We'll have a home base at some great place and I'll go travel to the more remote places by myself.  It'll be perfect.
Me: Ok, but then I want to go to --
Paul: Turkey - I know, we'll go to Turkey.  We can charter a boat and go to all those remote islands.
Me: Perfect.  That's what I'm talking about!
Paul: And I want to buy to sailboat.
Me: No.
Paul: What do you mean "no"???
Me: Sailboats are a pain in the ass and they're super expensive.  The boat itself is expensive and then you have to pay for the slip, have someone take care of it...No.
Paul: We win $121MM cash value and you won't let me buy a sailboat?
Me: No.  You can charter a sailboat if you want, but I don't want to own one.
Paul: You're ruining the fantasy.  You totally suck at this!
--phone rings--it's my mom--
Me: Hi mom - what's up?
Mom: Hi honey. I'm on the way to the doctor for my ...[I set the phone down for a second to get my coffee and walk into the other room to play Bejeweled while we talk] ... to Blake's for dinner.  What's up with you?
Me: We're just spending our lotto winnings over here.
Mom: What? You won the lottery?
Me: No mom, it's a fantasy game we play every time the jackpot gets over $100 million.
Mom: Oh good, good.  That's good.
Me: ?? What's good?  Are you talking to me?
Mom: I just mean it's good you didn't win the lottery.  That would just ruin your lives!
Me: What are you talking about?
Mom: All those people who win the lottery.  They end up broke and miserable.  I would just hate to see that happen to you.
Me: It only ruins the lives of stupid people.  It wouldn't ruin my life, I promise!
Mom: Well, ok.  I just worry about you, that's all.
Me: Thanks mom, but I'm gonna risk it.  Love you.
--
Paul: So can I have my sailboat?
Me: No.

************
Just for the record, here's a peek at a few recent winners:

$1Million Winner Phil Gossett of Monroe, Louisiana has recently changed his profile pic on Match.com to this one and has suddenly become significantly more popular among the ladies.  Go figger.

 Frank and Loretta Griffin of Asheville, North Carolina took home a lump sum of over $47MM after taxes and now they plan to "spend more time with their family" and "possibly take a trip to Hawaii." Possibly???

Barbara Baker of Hopkinsville, Kentucky was "mad" that she couldn't go to bingo, but "wasn't mad anymore" when she realized she'd won $1M on her PowerPlay.
But I'm not really sure about this one.  Looks more like she photoshop-ed it into her mug shot, don't ya think?  Where's the colorful background? Why the drab brown wall behind her?? 




I don't know Mom...I think we'd be okay...and I just might let Paul get that sailboat after all.

Me and my BlogArt...not to be confused with Bloggart...

So I've decided to start referring to myself as a "Blog-Artist" in all profession-related inquiries.  My words are my medium...and the world is my inspiration.  Now, don't confuse a BlogArtist with a Bloggart-ist.  A "bloggart" is a person who uses his blog only for self promotion and self-aggrandizement, a cyber-braggart if you will.  I made that word up.  Well, actually, Paul made that word up but he gave up the right to call anything his own some 13 years ago before God and all our friends and family, so I'm taking credit for it on his behalf.  He'd want me to, really.
Anyway, my point is, you should be expecting great things here in the days and months to come.  I have big plans for this blog.  I'm really going to be bringing a new vision to the world-wide-web and the internets and such. 
Just thought I should let you all know so that you can brace yourselves...

Hot Chick-a-Latte...yeah, it's a real place!

I should start this post by saying that I am pretty sure I am the ONLY female customer this place has had in all 5 days of being in business, and it's pretty safe to say that I am the only one they will have in all 100 days of business before they shut their doors...or maybe they won't? 

PLEASE CLICK ON PHOTOS FOR A MUCH BETTER VIEW!

Apparently taking hiring cues from the folks at Hooters, Hot Chick-a-Latte is the newest innovation in coffee since the cardboard anti-burn sleeve.  And it has hit the streets of Denver with a boob...I mean, boom!
I guess this is a chain that started somewhere in the Northwest - perhaps people had gotten bored of the standard Seattle roast and were looking for something a little -- perkier -- to wake them up in the morning.
Hot Chick-a-Latte opened this Tuesday in Denver in an old Der Wienerschnitzel A Frame on Colfax at Dexter. It's no accident that this place used to be a wiener shop, either, lest you missed the pun.
As you can see, they've done some major renovations to the staff...I mean, the building, by painting part of the roof hot pink.  Why only part, you ask? Your guess is as good as mine. Actually the other side doesn't have any pink at all, which is really a bummer because the hot pink is so much more appealing to the "Average Joe" Joe-drinker than red.  But I think we can all agree, this is not a place that's worried about external appearances...it's really just about the coffee!
When I drove by a couple of days ago the Hot Chicks were out in hot pink bikinis hocking their wares...I mean, coffee...Today, however, it was a little chilly, so you can see that they really needed to cover up a bit more.  This is their cold-weather garb:
 

Now, as much as I'd like to make fun of this place, I really can't.  The girls were really sweet and funny and thought it was great that I was there to take photos for my blog.  They didn't take themselves too seriously and they thought it was "cute" that I (an old lady, from where they sit) got a kick out of the place.
I ordered a C-cup non-fat latte which ran me $3.27.  C-cup is the second to the smallest size.  They have B, C, D & DD -- don't even waste their time fooling around with the As.  My latte was fine...not great, not terrible, but it was almost as hot as the chick serving it, so it was all right.



  And they're not only stimulating the...body...but also the mind.  Their "daily question" is really designed to make you think.  It's a bit hard to read with the glare on the window, but today's inquiry was this:

Would you rather
A: Have a permanent smile
     or
B: A permanent erection???

I mean, grammatical issues aside, this is really the stuff that's gonna change the world, don't ya think?





I'd like to take this opportunity, however, to inform you about the "clientele" that visits Hot Chick.  Yep, you guessed it, lecherous old men with their mouths agape and eyes never quite making it to the Barista's faces.  I couldn't convince a-one to let me take his picture for my blog. But this ought to give you an idea:

Of course, without the charisma of Bill...so maybe this gives you a better idea:

Sorry Grandpa - I couldn't resist!