Wednesday, May 5, 2010

The "Colorado Connection"

I have a theory -- well, actually I have a lot of theories, but this is just one of them -- anyway, my theory is that whenever there's some crazy person who makes the national news (whether it's for doing something really stupid or just downright criminal), approximately 80% of the time that person is from Colorado (or has spent a significant amount of time here)...and 100% of the time our local news lady Anne Trujillo will find that "Colorado Connection."

Today's news headline proves my point well -- would-be bomber Faisal Shahzad's wife, Huma Mian, graduated from CU Boulder in 2004 with a degree in accounting.  A couple of months ago we had Jihad Jane, and I'm sure a few months from now they'll discover one of Osama Bin Laden's kids plotting his next attack and hiding out in the woods somewhere north of Steamboat Springs.  Or maybe it will just be another Colorado Park Ranger starting a million-acre forest fire while trying to harmlessly burn a voodoo doll of her ex-boyfriend.  One way or another, though, we Coloradans are sure to be making our mark in history.

Let me give you a brief sampling of the types of things that I'm talking about:

1873 - Alfred Packer, America's only convicted cannibal.  Took a group of prospectors into the Colorado mountains in the middle of winter looking for gold.  Instead he only discovered that his fellow trekkers taste like chicken.

1924 - KKK takes over Colorado politics when  Klan members were elected to office in city, state, and federal level positions.
Ben Stapleton - Denver Mayor & proud member
Clarence Morley - Colorado Governor who ran for office not only for himself, but also "for the benefit of the Klan."
Rice Means - Colorado US Senator & another proud member

1993 - Grandpa Bredo aka "Frozen Dead Guy" is taken from his cryogenics lab to a Tuff Shed in Nederland to be preserved on dry ice until he and Walt Disney are able to resurface in the future and rule the world.  Now annually celebrated with Nederland's famous "Frozen Dead Guy Days" every summer.

1999 - Columbine.  Let's face it, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold really got the ball rolling on the whole school-shootings thing.

2004 - Disgruntled citizen Marvin Heemeyer jerryrigs a tank out of his tractor in Granby and mows down the local bank, city hall, and former mayor's house, and then goes on a shooting rampage.

2009 - Balloon Boy...really, no additional explanation necessary.

So, I think you can see where I'm going with this.  I'll update with more little Colorado Connections in the weeks and months to come - but  suffice it to say, we got a lock on the freaks here.  No wonder they chose Colorado to house the SuperMax penitentiary.


  1. I think this is my favorite post so far!! It just shows you should really write about your passion and you, my friend, are passionate about the Colorado connection. Sooo funny. love the dead guy and columbine thing.

  2. Brilliant, absolutely brilliant!!

  3. Ok, you might have a point... But I say WI has all the best (or worst?) serial killers.

  4. This is the best blog ever!

  5. Love this!! Thanks for stopping by my blog yesterday!

  6. Any future plans I may have had to visit Colorado just went out the window. Eeeeek!!!!

    Hope you're having a good Mother's Day!


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