I DEMAND THE TRUTH, NICK. JR.!!!!

Please be advised that much of the below is written in my special sarcasm font!!

I don't know if you have seen this, but there's a big media frenzy around the immigration status of Nick Jr.'s Dora the Explorer.  She's that cute little Hispanic girl who vamanos-es around the jungle with her friend Boots the Monkey teaching good morals, polite behavior, and a little bit of Spanish. 

OH, but how did she get here to teach these nefarious lessons to our impressionable young citizens, you ask?

That, my friends, is a very important question.  One that any law abiding citizen should be very curious about.  One that we righteous Americas must DEMAND an answer to, because, lord knows, our children have the right to know that their favorite cartoon characters are who they say they are.  If Dora is out there purporting to be a role model under false pretenses - all the while having jumped the fence and swam the river without a valid visa for entry, well that is JUST WRONG!

And Nick Jr.'s "official response" to this ever important query?  No. Freakin. Comment.

The American people deserve an answer, Nick Jr.  You can't expect us to be satisfied with this ambiguous, unclear status.  At this point, that NO COMMENT can only be read to mean that she's an "illegal" and that means that Dora is out there taking jobs from American citizen cartoon characters who could just as easily teach morality and jump around being cute with a monkey friend.

I say we boycott!  Until Nick Jr. comes forward with a valid birth certificate of green card or something, I think we definitely need to boycott.  We can have a big censorship party and make sure all those Dora books and games and toys and especially the shows themselves disappear off the shelves and the airways.

Nick Jr. - you should be ashamed of yourself!

Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop - My happy ending

Prompt 5 - “You know a happy ending isn’t really the end. It’s just the place where you choose to stop telling the story. Why not make everything work out when you have the chance?” Where would you could you place your happy ending? (inspired by The Myth Of You And Me pg. 137)

Happy endings -- where everything wraps up nicely and fits into one big box with a pink bow on top; where the villains go to jail and the angst-ridden protagonist finally ends up with Mr. Big Right to live happily ever after; where the star-crossed lovers whose timing is always off by about 3 days until one thunderous, hailing, pouring night he sees her (while walking without an umbrella - completely drenched yet handsome all the same) through the window in the diner across the way - looking forlornly into her coffee and not eating her blueberry pie, so he races across the street and directly into her arms; where the troubled child who has blamed his parents for all his woes gets out of rehab and wipes the slate clean with one big sweeping apology for "everything" -- Happy endings?  Those don't happen outside.  Those are indoor games reserved for movie theaters and television sets with scripted lines and fake pie that looks too good to eat because it actually is, well, not too good, just inedible.

In real life, there's always something to stand in the way of perfection, which for many of us means to stand in the way of our "happy ending."  Maybe it's those last 5 pounds; maybe it's the test you didn't study for; maybe it's the credit card debt, or a sick parent or an unforgiving boss or an absent spouse or an unhappy child.  The list could go on and on - there's never any shortage of things to worry about or reasons to be down.  Most of us don't see the present in terms of moments but more of a long flowing continuum toward and inevitable end.  And this, I am afraid, can cause even the most optimistic soul to fall down.

So right now, I'm just thinking about thinking about individual moments.  Ones that make me smile just remembering them.  Ones that make me tear up and feel overwhelmingly loved.  Ones where happiness was something you could touch, and smell, and taste.  There are some obvious one - like the births of my children and lighting the candle during my wedding ceremony.  And then there are some less obvious ones, too - like finding $300 on the sidewalk in Golden and going to the Rocky Flats Lounge to have a beer with Paul and the toothless barkeep, watching Zach eat crocodile skewers in Australia last year, or finding out that I had passed the California Bar Exam after computer glitches that made it seem as if I'd failed.  I suppose any of those moments could be my happy ending, and yet I know what happened afterward, so it's hard to stop telling the story there.

And somehow, reminiscing about the best moments brings to mind some not-great-ones too.  Times that I struggled, felt worthless, and couldn't find joy in any of the less-obvious-moments that surely occurred even then too.  Because I realize, as I write, that these moments happen all the time!  Every day or week or month there is something that happens that reminds us of our humanity, reminds us that we are unique, reminds us that we are important and needed and perfect.  We just don't listen!

So for my happy ending, I choose right now.  That's not to say that everything is perfect - it's not!  I still have those last first 5 pounds to lose (and then the rest of it too), I should probably get a job, my son hates the 4th grade and I just turned 40.  So NO, everything is not perfect.  But I'm happy, and maybe even more importantly, I'm content.  My house may not be in perfect order, but my children know they're loved.  My tennis game could certainly improve, but my friends know I care.  And underneath it all, I just know it's all going to work out the way it's supposed to -- and I know that I am supposed to live happily ever after.

Thanks Mama Kat - turns out I needed this prompt for more than just another post!

Those trendsetters in Europe are at it again!

 Members of the European Union exercising their fundamental right to lie around in the Riviera!

 

Last month the European Union declared the "right" to vacation as a fundamental right.  I'm here to ask when we're going to catch up to those genius lawmakers in Europe and start paying for me to hit the beach?
 

Actually, what Antonio Tajani (EU Commissioner for Industry) said was this:
"Traveling for tourism today is a right.  The way we spend our holidays is a formidable indicator of our quality of life."  He went on to say that this right is so compelling that the EU should subsidize it for the young, old, and poor.  In the end, it was agreed that the EU would pay for approximately 30% of the cost associated with international travel to encourage "cultural exchange" and "understanding."  And, of course, to ensure that everyone is able to assert his fundamental right to have a vacation in the South of France!

For those of you who didn't spend a long year suffering through Constitutional Law with Professor Collins, "fundamental rights" are those rights derived by natural law (like life, liberty and property, if you asked John Locke) and afforded the highest level of protection from the Supreme Court.  Some examples are the freedoms of speech, the press and religion; the right to have children (or not have children); the right to a fair and impartial jury; and the right to interstate travel.  Does this mean I can make Congress pay for a trip to Hawaii for me?  I have a right to interstate travel, and I live in Colorado...that's interstate travel...oh, shoot, that's not what they mean, is it???

Europeans have always been trend-setters in both fashion and human rights -- except Switzerland - did you know women didn't get the right to vote in Switzerland until 1971???  Just learned that.  And they really don't know how to dress either. 

Now that's what I call style!

But elsewhere in Europe, they really do know what's hot.

He's still very big in Europe, from what I understand!

Seriously, those English folks were demanding habeas corpus and due process way back at the Magna Carta in 1215.  Plus, slavery really wasn't seen much in Western Europe after the middle ages (ok, ok, they were all in on the slave trade to the Americas and were fine with making  money off it, but they didn't actually have slaves themselves in their European homelands -- I'm not sayin' there wasn't some hypocrisy!)  But this whole right to be a tourist thing is just taking it a little too far...I'm thinking there's such a thing as too much of a good thing!

My guess is that this whole nonsense started back in 1948 when the world community adopted the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.  I'm not here to dis the UDHR, it's a great document, inspirational, aspirational, blah blah blah blah...but really, Article 25 guarantees a "right to rest and leisure."  I'm wondering, how do they protect that right for mothers of multiples?  Oh - I know, they combine it with Article 13's "freedom of movement" and then come up with this beautiful new right...

And they say we're the nation of entitlement?  How's that for the pot calling the kettle black??

I don't know where this is, but I'm sure if members of Congress pool their frequent flier miles together they could send me there to find out!

Hot Chick-a-Latte...it gets better and better!

I swung by Hot Chick this morning and finally tried the Morning Wood.  It's White Coffee* with some Ghiradelli's White Chocolate mixed in and milk.  I got 2% but I think the default is whole milk.  I finally met Troy (owner) and he recommended it iced, so despite the gloomy gray-skies and threats of rain, I went cold.  It was a good choice, I think.
So I'm pleased to report that it was really good! It doesn't really taste (or look) like coffee at all.  It tastes more like a milkshake and basically looks like milk on ice.  It's very sweet, so for me I would say go with a small (i.e. B Cup), and I probably would get it later in the day as a kind of treat or something.  It's different than any coffee drink I have ever had before - I really enjoyed it!  It won't replace my regular non-fat latte order, but I can see having it again from time to time.
In addition to Troy, I also met Andra, the publicity chick, and another barista whose I think is named Melissa but now I'm feeling like a jerk because I can't remember and I should have written it down.  In any event, just like Troy, they were both super sweet and told me a whole bunch about the process, etc.  They seemed to be having a good time at work, and were familiar with my blog, which everyone knows makes me very happy!
Once again, thanks Hot Chicks...you guys are great!
BTW - Troy's trying to get that painting done, but damn Denver spring weather is not cooperating, so there's still a ways to go.  I imagine sometime in July they ought to be able to get it finished!

 *White coffee is slightly roasted beans (rather than fully roasted/black beans).  The color of the coffee itself is a little weird - it's kind of whitish-greenish.  I guess the roasting process dilutes the caffeine content by 1/2, so white coffee has twice the caffeine of a regular blend. I tasted the shot alone, and I have to say I didn't care for it without the milk and white chocolate mix-ins.  It kind of reminded me of echinacea or some kind of herbal remedy my dad would put into tea by the dropperful.  I won't get a shot again, but the drink as prepared is good.

Monday Morning Morals Questions - Am I a bad person if...???

Sometimes the thinking and the doing don't always coincide!

This morning I woke up with this great idea for a new series for my blog...a sort of "Where does your moral compass point on this one?" inquiry based on real life situations. Here's today's quandry:

Yesterday a neighbor took my kids to see Iron Man II.  I sent them with a small backpack holding:  $20, 2 "Loyalty Cups" ($1 refill cups good for the whole year at our local theater), as well as small bags of Cracker Jacks for all the kids.  I would have swung by Walgreens for some movie sized candy (Dots and Jr. Mints are family movie favorites), but there wasn't time.  Anyway, when they got home, here's what transpired:

Me:  How was the movie?
Alex: Awesome!
Me: Did you get a drink or anything?
Alex: No, we got there a little late and had to rush to our seats.
Me: Well, I guess it's good you had those Cracker Jacks!
Alex: No, you're not allowed to bring them in so we had them after.
Me: Oh?
Alex: Yeah, [neighbor] said you're not allowed to bring any outside food in so we couldn't bring them.  It's a rule, mom!
Me: Hmmmm....OK.

So, sure, I know the rule.  I just don't follow it!  I also know that a movie theater's biggest profit margin is on the sale of concessions...I guess I just really don't care!  I can't see spending $4 for a $1 box of candy.  I do buy the $5 loyalty cups at the beginning of the year and get the $1 refills all year long, because somehow that seems a lot more reasonable to me...but here's the question:

Am I a bad person if I break the rule about bring "outside food" into a movie?  Will my children grow up with a broken moral compass?  Am I kidding myself to think that somehow these kinds of rules are silly and it's OK to model rule-breaking behavior to my kids? 

PLEASE...JUDGE ME!

****Just for the record, I am a strong advocate of Civil Disobedience as a political tool to make change to unjust laws, but my Monday Morning Morals Questions will not be addressing these types of issues.  I'm going to focus on more important things like "Can I bring candy into a movie?"

Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop - I think I'm allergic to Chowder!

This entry is inspired by Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop prompt:  1.) Describe a popular kids toy or show that you just don’t understand.  I have chosen Cartoon Network's Chowder...I don't get it!


For all you moms who have graduated from the Disney Channel and moved on to Cartoon Network, I think you know what I'm talking about.  CHOWDER MAKES ME WANT TO SCREAM!!!

Aaarrrggghhhhh! Turn that s*** off!!!

 This is quite simply the most irritating show ever to grace the airways.  In case you haven't seen it, the show stars "Chowder," a cat/bear/rabbit hybrid that goes around making annoying noises and repeating the same things over and over and over again...It's horrible!

I'll start by saying this is a French-Canadian show created by C.H. Greenblatt, one of  the storyboard artists from Sponge Bob Square Pants.  Really that ought to be enough said, but I'll go on.  The characters live in Marzipan City and they all have ethnic-food-inspired names like Gazpacho, Mung Daal, Schnitzel, and Panini. Theoretically it sounds kind of cute, doesn't it?  I mean, maybe it will inspire your kids to actually try Gorganzola on a cheese plate since there's a character named that on Chowder, right?  WRONG!  Instead they'll look at it, plug their noses and run around the kitchen table screaming "stinky cheese" in a Chowder-inspired screech.   Charming, really!

Schnitzel, Mung Daal, Chowder, Truffles

And then, you can't help but gawk at the TV trying to figure out what the hell these characters are supposed to be.  You'll find yourself wondering which psychotropic drugs were used to inspire the mushroom-headed Truffles and the "rock monster" Schnitzel.  And then you'll think -- it it appropriate to have your school-aged children watching this at all?  All the while, you've wasted an hour and given yourself a 3-Aleve headache to boot.

But don't think the worst has past...Flapjack will be up next, and I'm afraid that might even be worse!  Cartoon Network, I don't get you!

More News from the Great State of Arizona

I'm so happy to report that Arizona governor Jan Brewer is moving forward with the good work of marginalizing, discriminating, intolerance and xenophobia.  She's really making God proud.  Just ask her and she'll tell you:  "I firmly believe that God has placed me in this powerful position of Arizona’s governor to help guide our state through the difficulties that we are currently facing.”
Like, for example, the difficulty that we are facing due to ethnic studies being taught in school?

OH - I HAVE A GOOD IDEA, LET'S BAN IT!

And that's just what she did yesterday when she signed HB 2281 into law.  Here's what this glorious piece of legislation says:


15-111 Declaration of Policy
The legislature finds and declares that public school pupils should be taught to treat and value each as individuals and not based on ethnic background.

15-112 Prohibited Courses and Classes; Enforcement
     A. A school district or charter school in this state shall not include in its program of instruction any courses or classes that either:
     1. Are designed primarily for pupils of a particular ethnic group
     2. Advocate ethnic solidarity instead of the treatment of pupils as individuals.
     B. If the Superintendent of Public Instruction determines that a school district or charter school is in violation of Subsection A, the Superintendent of Public Instruction shall notify the school district or charter school that it is in violation of Subsection A. ... [blah blah blah...failure to stop teaching these courses may result in withholding of state funds...blah blah blah]


The law was proposed by the Ministry of Magic...I mean, Arizona "Superintendent of Public Instruction," Tom Horne.  But can't you just hear Dolores Jane Umbridge reading it to the students at Hogwarts?

You remember Dolores, right?  She's the one who took over when Dumbledore was ousted -- she had all kinds of lame rules like don't practice magic in the school of wizardry.  Here's one of her great lines regarding education:

Umbridge:  The Ministry of Magic has always considered the education of young witches and wizards to be of a vital importance. Although each headmaster has brought something new to this... historic school, progress for the sake of progress must be discouraged. Let us preserve what must be preserved, perfect what can be perfected and prune practices that ought to be... prohibited!"

Oh yes Arizona - we wouldn't want to see progress, now would we?  Progress should certainly be prohibited!

The law was specifically designed to target Tucson public schools' Chicano and Mexican American Studies program.  The textbook for this class is called "Occupied America: A History of Chicanos."  This book is really offensive to white Americans because we're being portrayed as "Occupiers."

Maybe we can organize a good old fashioned book bonfire (ala Nazi Germany) too!

I wonder what they're going to do about that troubling history related to Native Americans?  We probably ought to just get rid of all that negativity too, don't ya think?  Oh, but wait, the law specifically exempts classes for "Native American pupils that are required to comply with federal law."  Those damn feds are going to MAKE them continue to teach Native American studies??  Seriously, whatever happened to states' rights?

Caution - children learning!

For now, we'll just have to be satisfied with the rounding up and dumbing down Arizona.  I'm sure these laws will make their way across the country soon enough - lord knows idiocy spreads like wildfire!