Monday, April 19, 2010

On Spending PowerBall Winnings and Other Issues of Import

As part of our marital vows, Paul and I agreed to purchase a PowerBall ticket every time the jackpot reaches or exceeds $100 Million.  I made that up, Colorado didn't even join in the PowerBall until way after we were married, but this was written into our vows Ex Post Facto. (When you're a stay-at-home lawyer sometimes you need to say things like de jure and ex post facto and modus operandi just to validate the monthly student loan payments you're still making nearly 15 years later.)

Paul: Did you get a ticket? [Totally apropos to nothing yet requiring no additional explanation whatsoever.]
Me: No. You need to get the ticket.  I'm not good at winning.  I never win!
Paul: Oh because I'm so good at winning?  Get a ticket.
Me: OK, fine.
Paul: So what are we going to do with the money?
Me: I promised the boys that the first thing I would spend it on is 100 Bakugan for each of them.
Paul: So we'll be getting another 200 Bakugan for them to leave all over the house?  Great.  You're not good at this at all.
Me: Well what do you want to do with it?
Paul: We should pay off the house and the condo.
Me: Well so far I can see you're much better at this than I am, Mr. Practical.
Paul: And I'm retiring immediately.
Me: DUH!
Paul: And we can travel.
Me: This is better - where should we go? Argentina? I can show you around Buenos Aires. [This is my favorite way to needle Paul because despite the fact that he has done about 300 times more traveling than I have, he's never been to South America or Africa and I have...naaa-na-naaa-na-boo-boo!]
Paul: Ha - you're funny! India.  I want to go to India.
Me: Only if we're staying at 5* places.  I can't handle the poverty there.  It'll make me too sad.
Paul: We'll have a home base at some great place and I'll go travel to the more remote places by myself.  It'll be perfect.
Me: Ok, but then I want to go to --
Paul: Turkey - I know, we'll go to Turkey.  We can charter a boat and go to all those remote islands.
Me: Perfect.  That's what I'm talking about!
Paul: And I want to buy to sailboat.
Me: No.
Paul: What do you mean "no"???
Me: Sailboats are a pain in the ass and they're super expensive.  The boat itself is expensive and then you have to pay for the slip, have someone take care of it...No.
Paul: We win $121MM cash value and you won't let me buy a sailboat?
Me: No.  You can charter a sailboat if you want, but I don't want to own one.
Paul: You're ruining the fantasy.  You totally suck at this!
--phone rings--it's my mom--
Me: Hi mom - what's up?
Mom: Hi honey. I'm on the way to the doctor for my ...[I set the phone down for a second to get my coffee and walk into the other room to play Bejeweled while we talk] ... to Blake's for dinner.  What's up with you?
Me: We're just spending our lotto winnings over here.
Mom: What? You won the lottery?
Me: No mom, it's a fantasy game we play every time the jackpot gets over $100 million.
Mom: Oh good, good.  That's good.
Me: ?? What's good?  Are you talking to me?
Mom: I just mean it's good you didn't win the lottery.  That would just ruin your lives!
Me: What are you talking about?
Mom: All those people who win the lottery.  They end up broke and miserable.  I would just hate to see that happen to you.
Me: It only ruins the lives of stupid people.  It wouldn't ruin my life, I promise!
Mom: Well, ok.  I just worry about you, that's all.
Me: Thanks mom, but I'm gonna risk it.  Love you.
Paul: So can I have my sailboat?
Me: No.

Just for the record, here's a peek at a few recent winners:

$1Million Winner Phil Gossett of Monroe, Louisiana has recently changed his profile pic on to this one and has suddenly become significantly more popular among the ladies.  Go figger.

 Frank and Loretta Griffin of Asheville, North Carolina took home a lump sum of over $47MM after taxes and now they plan to "spend more time with their family" and "possibly take a trip to Hawaii." Possibly???

Barbara Baker of Hopkinsville, Kentucky was "mad" that she couldn't go to bingo, but "wasn't mad anymore" when she realized she'd won $1M on her PowerPlay.
But I'm not really sure about this one.  Looks more like she photoshop-ed it into her mug shot, don't ya think?  Where's the colorful background? Why the drab brown wall behind her?? 

I don't know Mom...I think we'd be okay...and I just might let Paul get that sailboat after all.


  1. did anyone win??? i need to check on that.

  2. HIGH LARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. I am the next powerball grand prize winner. So don't even worry about this prize. As for travel, I'll do a little but I don't want to seethe world and I have no intention of blowing my millions.
    Why are you a stay at home lawyer?

  4. I'm a SAHL because the whole "balance a career and family" thing doesn't exist for lawyers. I'm lucky to be able to make that choice...and besides, if I were to go back to work, when would I have time to do all this fabulous blogging??

  5. you need to update this with the latest winner from missouri!


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